Hope for the Hopeless
by x Disco x
Summary: It was all going so well. Everything was calm, like the ocean on the best of summer’s days. But my own personal hurricane arrived faster than anything you’d ever see on the Weather Channel. AU. ExB
1. one

Author's Note: Is she back

**Author's Note: **Is she back? Maybe? Hello there! Welcome to my first (le gasp) chapter fiction, which I am dead set to actually FINISH. I really don't know what I wanted to put in this note, but I wanted one, so here it is. Read, please? Oh and THANK YOU beta-lovely. You rock my socks!

Disclaimer: I'm sure there are traces of every story I've ever read hidden in here. But, most importantly, I don't own Twilight. Like every other girl, I only wish I did. I also don't own anything I allude to, like Johnny Depp.

--

_Diary Excerpt from November 29th_

_It was all going so well. Everything was calm, like the ocean on the best of summer's days. But my own personal hurricane has arrived faster than anything you'd ever see on the Weather Channel._

--

"Cheated! He freakin' cheated and he wonders why I exploded? 'Irrational,' he said. 'Foolish and immature'. I may be immature and irrational, but I am no fool! A fool would have forgiven him, a fool would have kept that figurine in her hands while that…that…_idiot_ was sitting at the bar, kissing that overly busty blonde, a fool would have given back the ring so he could give it to her instead of pawning it off. I am no fool."

The loud screams were slowly going quiet, the anger fading into despair. A wad of cash sat on the table, barely lit by the setting sun, the source of the only guilt in the situation. No one had moved for the past few hours, except to check the clock or eye the dirty money, while chaos in the form of a sad, hurt woman unleashed itself. Now tired of screaming, there was only one thing left to do, cry.

--

What an embarrassing entrance. That's me, Isabella Marie Swan (twenty-two and angry). Call me Bella though, everyone does. So, I know my entrance may start us off on the wrong foot, but I have good reason. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, after all.

--

The tears came surprisingly fast. I was never much of a crier, which may be why my loving roommates couldn't respond. But the arms did come eventually, and I turned to ruin the silk shirt of my closest, oldest, best friend. Sweet nothings filled the room as she whispered quickly to calm me down. It wouldn't help her find out what happened if I was completely distraught after all.

It helped, somewhat. It took me a while to calm down, since every time I started, every time I remembered how he would help me stop crying, I would start again. The tears didn't cease, but the horrible, breathy sobs quieted enough that I could communicate. When the flowing tears slowed down, I managed to look up from my fetal position on the couch to the face of my own personal angel, whose hands were still rubbing comfortingly against my arms. Dark brown eyes looked into mine with worry, compassion, and burning curiosity. I sighed.

--

Alice, my love! Meet my roommate, the extraordinary Alice Brandon-Cullen (soon to be just plain Hale). She is my light, my reason for living, my soul existence. I only get away with saying this if the two of us are extremely drunk or distraught. Or, of course, if she never knows I said it. Alice and I met pre-pre-kindergarten and have been inseparable since. She's the mother I never had and I'm the sister that keeps her sane. She moved in with her aunt and uncle, Esme and Carlisle Cullen, after her parents passed away. I befriended her because I thought her southern Mississippi accent was cool.

--

The dark-haired woman sighed in return, rolling her eyes as I pulled away and furrowed myself in what we affectionately called The Nest. When anyone in our household was sad and in need of comfort or solitude, we all pitched in to create the nest. Now, upon our overly stuffed black couch, every comforter, afghan, pillow, and stuffed animal was stacked, threatening to fall off. It was the supreme reassurance and an old tradition that we promised to keep even when we all went our separate ways. On a normal day, we could fit maybe five on the large couch with a little discomfort, but with The Nest perched precariously on it, we could hide a dozen dead bodies and the police would never know.

Alice was looking at me, holding in her laughter as I struggled to pull out the object that was stabbing my spine (a collectible Barbie that I was sure was thrown out in the frenzy to create The Nest). I returned her happy look with a deadpan and she managed the reconstruct the worry. I knew she just wanted me to smile again, since she always said I could light up a room, but smiling was not on my agenda. I was far too busy being distraught and serious to risk losing it all to a smile.

"Bella, sweety," I scowled in response to the pet name, but she ignored me. "What happened last night? One minute, we were enjoying the last of our moments as unmarried women," I scowled again, at the reminder of marriage, "and the next, you exploded. Apparently I missed something when I went to the bathroom, because by the time I was out, you were beyond wasted and Rosalie couldn't even hold you up."

The blonde head, which had been nodding along, bounced furiously at this. "Damn right I couldn't. Do you have _any_ idea how much you weigh? Honestly, we bought a treadmill." The sarcastic words were accompanied by a quick smack of the SpongeBob pillow she had resting in her lap. The movement threatened to toss her from her spot, balanced precariously on the arm rest I was leaning against, but, as expected from an accomplished graceful person, she righted herself. To my disappointment, she further flaunted the grace I didn't have as she righted herself. As revenge, I pulled her down.

--

There she is, my other roommate. Rosalie Hale, the gorgeous blonde who can get all the guys and sticks with the one who scares the crap out of me. Rosalie met Alice and me in high school, when she transferred from New York and we've kept her on a tight leash since then. She's a little raucous and sometimes flat out rude, but that's why we love her. She was something new to the two of us and no one could deny that together, we made the perfect trio.

--

I leaned my head on Rosalie's shoulder as Alice scooted closer to slip an arm around my shoulder. Rosalie, in a rare PDA, patted my blanket-covered knee and tilted her head on mine. Alice's eyes were on me and I knew that Rosalie was dying to know what went down last night. Oh the joy of retelling the worst day of my known life and probably my life to come.

"Well…it happened at the bar, last night, around nine…"

--

_The club was unimaginably crowded, so Rosalie, Alice, and I locked arms and danced our way to the small table we always claimed. The group there fled, discreetly disguised as going to dance, at the sight of the tall Rosalie glaring down at them. We shared a laugh, slid into the table, and managed to keep the laughter going as the drinks kept coming. By the time we sat down, a few drinks were already sent from the guys at the bar and Rosalie waved and flirted from afar._

"_Rosalie Lynn Hale, you put that hand down!" I shouted over the music to be heard, pushing her hand down to make the action immediately stop. "Incase you have forgotten in the ten seconds you've been in the club, you have a boyfriend who you, and I quote 'love so dearly, it's like my heart is being ripped in two every time he leaves'. A boyfriend whose mother called you to say that he asked her to go ring shopping, just in case you forgot."_

_The reminder worked and both Rosalie and Alice squealed in joy. I laughed, happy to be between my two best friends as the talk of marriage filled the air. Alice and her boyfriend were the longest engaged, their wedding was set for shortly after Christmas. Jasper, the love of her life, was accepted by all of us. Of course, Rosalie had a few problems with it, but you can't really tell your best friend not to marry your step-brother when you were the first to set them up. _

_Rosalie turned her attention to me and picked up my left hand, the one on her side to eye the stone again. The diamond was small, but flawless, exactly as I dreamed it would be. The weight felt out of a place on my finger, but I knew I would grow into loving it, just like I did him. Both awed at the blush that shot up to my cheeks and I tried to pull my hand back, unsuccessfully. My story was their favorite, the story of unrequited love (on his part), successful stalking (by him), and eventually love. Even though I had been wearing that ring for three weeks now, they acted like it was the day after the proposal every day._

_Hours were spent with martinis and dancing and flirting by all three of us, though none of it sincere or important. We merely worked our way out of paying for drinks by dancing with the man with the money, a skill that Rosalie taught us shortly after my twenty-first birthday. Oh the things New York will teach a shy, hick town girl like me to do._

_By the time the wee hours of the morning had come, the crowd had dwindled, the drinks stopped coming, and Alice complained about a pending bladder explosion. The line for the ladies room was, as usual, long enough to reach the dance floor, but Rosalie followed her for company while I headed to the bar to refresh our drinks (tonight was my night to pay). _

_I was reaching for the stem of my sour apple martini, preparing myself for the sour taste of my favorite fruit when I heard the deep, familiar sound. The laughter could have come from anyone, but I'd stake my life that I knew exactly who it came from. My eyes traveled down the bar and locked on his profile, the profile I had woken up to too many times to not have memorized. Attached to him was the form of a woman sitting on his lap, her arms wrapped around neck while he pulled her closer by the waist. My angered flared and the sour taste the appeared in my mouth was not the martini I hoped it was. The jealousy that I was sure I would never have to feel again (you didn't get jealous of other girls flirting with your husband, after all) sprouted up and I pushed it down with as much denial as I could._

_My mind was running through all the possibilities. 'She had fallen on to his lap and he caught her like the gentleman he was. She was hurt, which would be why she wasn't getting up. Her scent reminding him of me explained why his head drifted over her shoulder, burying itself in her hair. Obviously, the girl was a colleague since she knew full name and was swatting at him like an old friend, like I always did. And maybe she had something on her lips, because his hand was drifting to her mouth. Oh, she must have just passed out. Why else would he perform CPR?'_

_I am a perfect actress, I am great at denial, but even I ran out of excuses when they locked lips and chose not to part. I wished someone would have been between us to block the view and maybe dull the noise of moaning. My hand tightened on the stem of my martini and I downed it quickly. The bartender, confused as to why as I was still there with the three drinks I ordered in front of me, asked if I wanted anything else. I wanted the whore on my fiancé dead, I wanted to erase the memory of him cheating on me, I wanted revenge, but I settled for asking for a dozen shots of hard liquor and asking if it was okay for me to throw the shot glass._

_That's what I love about being a regular, the bartender smiled, handed me a hard plastic martini figurine, smiled knowingly, and refilled my shot glass. I downed the shot, wincing at the bitter taste, and looked at the pair who had recently become the bane of my existence. The woman had detached herself and was waving good-bye, promising to meet him tomorrow. Now was my chance. My fear of confrontation was gone due to the alcohol and I knew that in about ten minutes, the liquor would hit my blood stream and I would be completely insane. So I picked up the figurine, smiled at the bar tender, called my fiancé's name, and took advantage of four years as a softball pitcher._

_--_

"…he was completely shocked to see me and I was angry enough to smack him right where the bruise was forming. Damn football player, the thing hardly left a scratch. He said I misunderstood and was being stupid, and I told him that he was stupid if he thought that a 'make out' fest could be misunderstood. I don't think he expected me to see that. I cursed him to hell on the grave of every dead relative he and I ever had, told him that I was keeping the ring to get some money back to pay for the years I wasted with him, smacked him again, and walked away. Thirty seconds later, you guys came and found me totally plastered at our table. I don't really remember the rest of it, though."

My best friends were totally silent and I broke eye contact with our picture of Michelangelo's David to look at them. Rosalie had moved her head off mine and was looking at me with tears of pride rolling down her cheeks while Alice's jaw practically on the floor. Both looked shocked, but Alice, as usual, was the quickest to recover.

"Oh Bella…I am so sorry," she said quietly, tears starting to leak out. I sighed, leaning towards her again to let her envelope me in a hug. The tears leaked from my eyes, too, (I can't watch people cry without crying myself) and I felt Rosalie's tears on my head as she joined the hug. Our sadness didn't last long; I couldn't stand any more tears, so I sat up a little more, letting both of them still cling to me.

"I woke up early this morning, took a bunch of pain pills and probably clogged the toilet with the remnants of dinner, which I'm sorry if it woke you. Neither of you seemed inclined to wake up, so I showered, sobered up a bit more, and ran down to the pawn shop. The owner seemed shocked that I wanted to pawn such a beautiful thing, but he didn't want to cheat me. He called the jeweler from next door, you know Sam Uley, right? Sam valued the ring for us and I sold it to him for a good deal. So, by now, the entire neighborhood knows Jacob and I are over and I bet all the grandmas in town are making me a casserole.

"But, you know what, I'm okay with that. I want to move on, I suppose. I mean, you two know best that Jake and I had been rocky lately, since we were on totally different sides about the whole…matrimony," I couldn't say wedding, I knew I couldn't, "and I guess he finally decided I couldn't hold his interest. It's for the best, right? Since I found out before we were…tied and I could break it off, that's better?" My desperate plea to convince myself was met with eager responses.

"Bella, Jacob is the stupidest boy in the world; he's not even a man anymore. Anyone who would hurt a woman like that deserves a punishment fit for a mass murder." Alice carefully phrased her words, making sure not to offend anyone. It was the lawyer in her, the reason we tried to push her into going to law school. But no, it would be to demanding and she wanted to focus on Jasper. With her business degree, the world was her toy and her 'dream of becoming a professional shopper was assured'. Hopefully Jasper could keep that dream reigned in.

Rosalie, as expected, screwed the idea of courtesy and went for the truth, the warnings that I had ignored, blunt as ever. "I warned you that boy was dumb, I knew he didn't know a good thing when he had it. I hated him since I moved from the New York, not that I blame you for falling for his charm, even I was blinded by him while still in Forks, but I warned you. I said that New York would release the true horror of his inner self, his true persona." Even Rosalie, however, knew when the time for comfort came in, and she saved herself from being beaten to death by a pillow. "But even I never expected him to sink so low. If you would have married that guy, if he had done that later on, you would not have seen me for twenty-five to life. I'm still considering the pros and cons of murder charges."

I laughed for the first time that day and the sound was a little off, a little dry. Alice handed me a wine glass filled with sparkling grape juice, my comfort drink. I smiled and turned back to Rosalie. "I'd drop that idea. Though I want him dead as much as you do, the con of the bright orange jumpsuit outweighs everything. I couldn't stand for my friend to be put into that much pain."

Rosalie considered it, and then conceded with a sigh. "Stop being such a good friend Bella, you aren't helping convince me against murdering him." Her classic wit kept the small smile on my face and Alice sent her a grateful look. The blonde stood up, strolling to the kitchenette that combined with our living room. The fridge was opened and I saw leftovers, take out boxes, and frozen food boxes fill the counter space. "In retaliation to last night, where we ate daintily with the ideal of fitting into disgustingly white gowns, I say we feast on the fattest, happiest foods we have."

I laughed, my joy coming back slowly, and nodded. "And she said, 'Let them eat cake'. Though, personally, I vote for chicken wings. The crunchiest we have."

Alice smiled, pulling me into a hug as she grabbed the remote, fiddling for a bit until the DVD player was working and the sounds of the opening title of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory filled the room. "The best way to get over a guy is to look at Johnny Depp and imagine marrying him."

Rosalie laughed from the kitchen as the sounds of the microwave, stove, sink, and clinking dishes rang. "I don't think anyone would want to marry Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka, he's creepy. More like the best way to forget about that icky ex is to watch a movie scary enough to make children cry. Hence the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."

I had never been so thankful for my roommates.

--

Two hours, three plates of greasy re- or pre- cooked foods, and two bottles of sparkling grape juice later, Rosalie and I were laying out on my dark blue down comforter, laughing as Alice recounted her original watching of the movie (Jasper had quite and earful of screams, since Alice found it quite scary) from her position on the couch. I yawned, rubbing my eyes and grabbing the fuzzy blanket from its position on the floor next to me, curling up and laying my head down on Alice's life-sized stuffed tiger. Rosalie followed, curling up with the stuffed Pooh Bear she never slept without yet no one knew about it but us. Alice, always full of pep and never tired, bent her head over the edge of the couch to look at me.

"Bella, do you still plan on going to Arizona to visit your mother for Christmas?" I sighed, thinking of that plan for the first time. My roommates expected me to have already reconsidered every plan with Jacob as though I was as easily over him as they were. My mother and I, who had never been close after she left when I was five, had planned on meeting so she could meet my fiancé and give her blessing on our wedding. But I had no reason to go now, since Jacob and I were only going for one day before traveling to Hawaii to visit his sister for the New Year. Without a good reason, I didn't really want to see my mother and I knew my dad's house would be much more comfortable.

"I guess not. Charlie would be only too happy to house me; I could tell he was disappointed that I wasn't coming to his house for the holiday. And with school giving us that three week break…"

Alive eyed me carefully, listening to my hesitant tone. "You don't want to stay here, do you? You know…" The pause was filled with implications, things that I hadn't thought of yet. Alice always knew how to plan ahead, something I didn't know. She was implying that Jacob knew my schedule, my life here. He was in a handful of my classes; he knew my schedule plan for next semester; he knew which route I took home and when I was working. He would find me, and that's exactly what I didn't want.

My solemn expression must have given it away, because Rosalie scooted a bit closer and Alice let her hand drop off the couch and tousle my hair. "You know, a semester away never hurt an art student. Inspiration comes from new places. Don't deny it, you always say that. Maybe you need to go home to find your new place."

The look of incredulity made its way onto my face, and Rosalie covered for Alice. "How about you only come home for winter break? After that, you could go meandering off to Europe, I'm sure someone in town is dying to go." Alice snorted, knowing Rosalie implied her mother. "Maybe home will be the place for you. But Bella, anyone could tell that New York is no longer safe for you…"

I allowed myself some time to think, watching as the poor spoiled girl fell into the garbage hole. What I wouldn't give to join her… "Okay, fine. Just for break, though. Charlie probably misses me anyways…"

Apparently, this didn't please Alice. She made an indignant noise and sat up, sending the pillow she had placed on her stomach rolling off onto my head. "Nonsense! Why stay with Charlie that little house? I've been asked by my parents to ask you stay with us and I know that you know you want to. You even wanted to when I told you earlier."

Alice was right, we all knew it. Her home, a massive house displaying their rather extensive wealth, was hardly a half hour drive from my own, and I loved to visit it. The guest room between Alice and her brother's room was practically reserved for me and Charlie and I spent most of our holidays with the Cullens anyways. I conceded, knowing I had not argument against it. The calls were made to my mother, who was slightly shocked but otherwise apathetic, and my dad, who was badly concealing his joy, not questioning my reasons for coming home (he would though, when he found out I wasn't going back to New York for another semester). Alice called her parents at the same time (and I heard, in a hushed part of her conversation, the explanation as to why I was coming home) to inform I was coming and I forwarded to Charlie their invitation to Christmas with the Cullens. Finally, all the calls complete, I fell asleep with a pleasant warm feeling, willing myself not to dream.

--

_Diary Excerpt from November 28__th_

_That's it. I swear off alcohol, I swear off men, I swear off living my life like this…_

_Wow. Even I don't believe that. I just want to be happy again, and it would be nice if I remembered how to walk without falling down._

--


	2. two

--

**Author's Note: **Eek! Sorry this took so long, I am such a procrastinator. Future apology for any typos, I've decided to go without an official beta. I don't have any patience.

Disclaimer: No owning Twilight. Or Michael Bublé.

--

_Diary Excerpt from December 12th _

_Alice really knows how to run my life. One day I'm emotional wreck on the couch, the next she has plane tickets and my schedule for the next two weeks of my life, staying as far away from every normal place I've ever been to. My exams are all done, and the school had been informed I'm not returning next semester. It's time to restart, and going home is the best place to be for that._

_--_

"Alice, stop shoving! I swear, if I forget something because you're being so pushy…"

"You'll have a good excuse to go shopping and force me into retail therapy." I smiled as I finished Rosalie's threat and gave the final push that forced her out the door. A deep laughter followed my statement, covering the squeak I'm sure Rosalie made. I wasn't worried when I saw her trip on the door step, that laugh was a comfort. The soft thud of Rosalie hitting a body assured me that her loving boyfriend had caught her. A quick look up from double checking the contents of my purse confirmed that.

--

Meet Emmett McCarty, Rosalie's beau and perhaps future fiancé. Alice hooked the pair up after meeting Emmett in a business class. I approved, after seeing him in one of my many art classes. The guy is multitalented for sure, and he keeps Rosalie guessing, something no guy has ever done. His job as a bouncer at our favorite club three blocks away is an added bonus.

--

"Play nice you two." His deep baritone voice filled the room, and I just smiled sweetly at him, though I childishly stuck my tongue out at Rosalie when Emmett turned to yell down to the parking lot. Our light-hearted bickering echoed through the open hallway and the mock cat fight had Emmett slightly worried, but more so amused. He had always said I seemed so shy in class (which is true, I wouldn't talk to anyone), so he founded the moments I was outgoing and goofy hilarious.

Our luggage was already packed into the taxis when the three of us went down there, though the two who packed it were no where to be seen. "Hey, Rosalie," I started; glancing at her to make sure I had her attention. Emmett's arm was wrapped around her waist, and it looked like I might have interrupted the start of something. However, she nodded, so I took it as a cue to continue, even though she wasn't looking at me. "Do you know where Alice and Jasper went?"

The mention of the missing pair got her attention, and she looked around. Emmett sighed, sending me a mock angry look, before he decided to regain Rosalie's attention. "Wherever they are, I'm sure we'd love to be there too." Rosalie giggled, while I made a lovely gagging noise, turning my back to them to double check the luggage.

Alice returned a few minutes later, her short her messier than she'd normally allow. I raised one eyebrow, lifting my hand to shuffle around my long locks, giving her a hint. The rare blush graced her cheeks for a few minutes, but she got over it quickly, shaking her head to help the stray locks settle while a hand appeared on her shoulder. I looked back at the car, closing the trunk while the taxi driver gave our group 'the look', demanding with his eyes that we should hurry up. "Are we ready to go?" I thought Alice would have asked the question, but the voice was masculine, and I cast a quick glance over at the pair before smiling and nodding.

--

Jasper Hale, everyone. Alice's soon-to-be husband, Rosalie's step-brother, my friend since childhood. Jasper grew up in Forks with the Cullen family and I, and we've gone to school together forever. His father owns some sort of farm a bit out in the country and met Rosalie's mom on a standard trip to New York. They magically made a long distance relationship work, which brought Rosalie to us. Rosalie, in turn, hooked up my best friends. Jasper and I are the soft spoken ones in the group, which is why we were always such good friends. It's nice to see him happy with Alice, as well as happy with his medical studies. I think he might be the only one in the pre med department who was constantly happy.

--

"Yep, let's go!" My excitement to get out of New York caught quickly and we all moved towards the taxi doors. Rosalie and Emmett took one car while Alice, Jasper, and I took the other. With a quick agreement to race to the airport, we all piled in and buckled up. Despite having lived in New York for the past four years, I still found myself gazing out the window with amazement while Jasper turned around in the passenger seat to talk to Alice. Tidbits of conversation made it to my ears, but I tuned them out when I realized it was all about the wedding. No doubt I would spend half of my trip in Seattle, enjoying the last days of being the Three Bachelorettes and emptying my bank account.

The ride to Queens was pretty fast and Jasper paid the taxi driver while Alice and I unloaded baggage. Rosalie and Emmett were already waiting for us at the doors, hands out like they were demanding payment. Alice high-fived both of them with enthusiasm and went inside without a look at their faces, which were torn between hilarity and pain (Alice was known for a hard smack). The bags we had were checked in and we made our way to the gate with our carry-ons weighing us down.

We had a bit of a wait before the plane was going to load our seats, so we all grabbed chairs at the nearby food stand. Rosalie grabbed a coffee to make sure she stayed awake during the flight, saying something about being careful and making sure she got a parachute when the plane crashed. I, on the other hand, was hoping to sleep away my fear of heights.

The wait for the plane to load was filled with idle chatter and eavesdropping on Alice's conversation with her mother. The call had to be made that the plane was on time and we were leaving, but the hushed tones and occasional looks that were cast in my direction worried me. I had a feeling that it involved the recent breakup, and sadly I pulled out my phone for the first time since two weeks ago, the night I got absurdly drunk. Of course, other memorable things happened that night, but the unhealthy alcohol level was the most positive thing, so it was my description. My phone, beaten and abused, managed to have enough battery to tell me it needed to be charged. I also missed a couple of texts, which were from Jasper, asking what time we were leaving, and Sam Uley, telling me the ring had been sold like I asked. Or I think that's what it said. The disadvantage of having your local jeweler being your ex-fiancé's best friend was that he tended to side with the man. Between the subtle hints to forgive him and the blatant 'FORGIVE HIM' added to the end of the text, I surmised that Jacob had talked to Sam. That would also explain the eighteen voice messages.

Despite the fact I should have been worried about Jacob finding me, I found it easier to distract myself with little details. The idea of changing my number and getting a new, cool flip-phone occupied the time spent waiting, until we loaded on the plane. Passing first class always hurt for Alice and Rosalie, but college kids would never buy those seats if they had to support themselves in New York. I pushed them past the section of their childhood and back into Coach, laughing the entire time.

Curled up in the window seat, once again ignoring Alice and Jasper, I vaguely remember the instructions of the flight attendants. The last conscious memory I have was of my ears popping while I chewed obnoxiously on my gum. Sleep is so sweet when you have a fear of heights.

--

I wish the radio could have been a bit louder, to hint that conversation wasn't desired, but I was not going to be the one who broke the silence to ask to turn it up. The welcome group at the airport had been friendly enough, with Esme and Carlisle there, along with Rosalie's mother and Jasper's dad. Alice's parents had been beyond pleased at seeing their daughter and me, the girl who practically lived in their house. My own father claimed to be working, though he was probably just playing cards with the other officers. Local cops have very easy jobs until something catastrophic (cat in a tree, hooligans with skate boards) happens. Nonetheless, he had promised to drop by the Cullen house for a nice dinner before heading back to the small house I had grown up in.

All of this was news to me, however, since my father made his plans while we were on the plane. It was soon after I was given all the information that we were placed in our current predicament- an awkward, never ending silence. From Seattle to Forks was a rather long drive, a few hours, and the seconds were taking way too long to pass. From my seat in the back of the Suburban, I watched everyone attempt to relax. Alice was fiddling with engagement ring for sometime until Jasper caught her hand. Something tells me her fiddling was annoying him, but maybe he was just finally comfortable with public displays of affection. The chances were slim, but anything was possible.

Carlisle was talking lightly to Jasper, going on about something in the medical world. I could have joined in with them, but the medical jargon went over my head and there was some sort of joke going on. At least, I hoped so. I didn't think medical surgeries were supposed to be funny, but Carlisle and Jasper were both laughing. Alice chuckled lightly (of course she would understand, she grew up with them), but Esme just shook her head and grumbled about doctors for husbands. Oh no, the dreaded word. The slightest mention of matrimony shook up Esme, causing her to whip around and eye me carefully. The cause of the awkward silence was now apparent- Esme wanted to know why I was coming home without the engagement ring.

Perhaps I am better with body language than I've been told. As soon as I made eye contact with Esme, she turned to Alice, taking a possibly depressing moment and making it happy. The questions over reception were endless. Since the wedding was taking place in Forks, Esme had planned most with Alice either connected by phone or computer. The amount of videos her mother had sent was disgusting, and all of them were burned and played constantly on our television.

Listening to the chatter made time pass a bit faster and it wasn't long before the familiar travel signs popped up, informing the normally-lost travelers that a town with a bathroom, burger joint, and map was nearby. Not many people came to Fork with a purpose. Visiting family was even rare, since most houses were absurdly tiny and occupied by either the incredibly old whose relatives lived in Florida and would never dare come or by those who ran away from their family and attempted to start anew where they could never be found. That would be where my dad and I fit in, hiding from his parents and from my mother, who wouldn't have to try to find us, we hadn't moved since she left.

As we passed the familiar streets, I pressed my forehead against the cool, smooth glass, watching my life pass me by. The high school looked so tiny compared to New York, but the parking lot was still filled with the cars of any kid within city limits. There wasn't another city around, and the closest high school was probably a two hour drive. That didn't matter much, though. Anyone on the outskirts either took the drive, like Alice and Edward, her brother, had, or they were already shipped off to a nice private school. The further from the town, the ritzier the houses got, and the more mysterious the families were. While I could name nearly everyone within a mile of my home, I couldn't tell you anyone other than the Cullen and Hale family lived out of town.

The school was out of sight by the time I finished thinking, and I took one last glance at my hometown before we disappeared into the forest. The turn off that led to Alice's house was only visible due to the lack of leaves in the surrounding tress. Carlisle smoothly transitioned from driving on the paved roadway to the rather rough driveway that cast an incorrect first impression of the house, as anyone would notice if they drove only a few minutes in. The white house in the middle of the clearing was still striking, and I let out a withheld breath when I got out of the car, my head spinning lightly from being confined so long. Carlisle and Jasper pulled luggage out of the trunk while Alice and Esme locked arms, heading towards the open door. I smiled apologetically while I took my luggage from Carlisle's waiting arms.

However, Carlisle just laughed. "Same as ever. It's good to know the big city hasn't changed her at all. You, however, seem much different. Is that a tan or am I seeing things?"

Jasper laughed along as I shrugged. "You know your daughter, Carlisle. She wouldn't let Bella stay that unnatural shade of white," Jasper said, carrying Alice's luggage along with his own. To help, I picked up the backpack he had used as a carry on, sliding it on my empty shoulder, the other occupied by my own backpack. My suitcase had a little trouble getting started as I pulled it through the snow-covered grass, but I sped up when the cleared cement pathway was reached. By the time I caught up to the men, they were waiting at the bottom of the steps for me, both laughing.

I didn't ask what, I didn't really want to know. Instead, I thanked Carlisle as he took Jasper's back pack, pulled my own suitcase up the stairs, and entered the large Cullen home.

--

Unpacking was always my favorite part of a trip, to slowly spread my things, making the room more personal. The Cullen's was the best place for me to unpack; I already knew the house so well. The guest room was my favorite color, a deep sea green, and hadn't changed since I stayed here last summer. Of course, the frigid snow now covered all the beauty of the yard, but the white flakes reflected the little sunlight given by the clouds, filling the room and giving it a warm feel.

I collapsed on the bed, snuggling into the comforter and letting my eyes droop for a moment. The suitcase on the floor next to me haunted my thoughts, and I quickly kicked my tennis shoes off, sliding off the bed and unzipping the case full of my life for the next month.

Clothes popped out, and it took a while to put everything away, jeans folded in drawers, sweaters and skirts hanging in the closet. My own travel clothes, a baggy tee, sweatpants, and hoody, were tossed into a clothes bin, replaced by jeans and a long-sleeve black shirt. I left my feet clad only in mismatched socks, one purple argyle, one pink and blue polka dots, sliding across the carpet. The dresser was already covered in my things, looking exactly like my room in New York. Home sweet home.

A knock on the door had me pulling out one of the small ear buds connected to the iPod in my pocket. Music passed time faster, but I noticed I must have missed a lot, since the room was now barely lit by the sun outside. I let one bud dangle, the other still humming the sounds of Michael Bublé in my ear, while I headed towards the door. One hand flicked the light switch next to the door while the other twisted the knob and opened it to my intruder.

I was greeted by a sweet smile and the bronze hair I hadn't seen for at least six months, the last time we came home during summer vacation. Alice and I both had jobs, so only a week of vacation during all of summer break was allowed, and we spent it tormenting the person to whom the hair belonged to. "Hello there stranger. Mind if I come in?"

--

Edward Cullen- the other pre med student and the biological son of Carlisle and Esme Cullen. Edward was two years older than the rest of us, the same age as Emmett. His schooling wasn't done yet, but the years he spent in Ivy League were enough for him to be able to transfer closer to home and take classes at Seattle University, home every weekend. Unlike his father, surgery wasn't his goal, since he was more into the psych part of the job. Carlisle had, in high school, hooked us all up with runner jobs at the hospital, and Edward found his calling in psychology while filing papers. Last I was told, he was working at the hospital with his dad, trying to get a full-fledged job.

--

I smiled, opening my door all the way to let him pass. A quick hug and hello were my attempt at repaying him for having to seek me out. Alice had said he was out when we got back, and I hadn't left the room since I got in, so I didn't know he had made it back yet. We both exchanged the typical greetings, asking of how things have been, and a few other dull comments. I jumped on my bed, sliding to lean against the stacks of pillows against the headboard, legs crossed. Edward, barefoot, pulled his legs up, mirroring my position.

"Sorry I didn't come see you earlier, Edward; I didn't know you were back." I smiled, happy to have another friend in the house. Edward had always been a comfort, with his silent side always willing to lend an ear. "Still, I must ask, what brings you to my room? I would have seen you at dinner in..." My eyes darted towards the digital clock on the nightstand. "Twenty minutes."

Edward smiled, not meeting my eyes. I raised an eyebrow, but let it drop when he looked up and responded. "I was sent by my loving mother. She wanted to remind you that you have to come out to eat. Also, your dad is on his way here, he called around two minutes ago." He fidgeted a bit after he was done, something I had never seen him do. Now I was curious, though I had a good idea of why he was fidgeting.

"Did Esme send you up for any other reason? Perhaps one involving shiny gold circles?" Edward winced, and I knew I had hit the mark. Of course Esme would send Edward to find out about the split engagement, she knew I would tell him. I sighed deeply, letting my hands drift to fiddle with the ring on my left ring finger, until I realized there wasn't one there anymore. To occupy my fingers, I folded them, keeping my eyes on Edward. "Look, Edward, it's not something I really want to talk about right now. But I know Esme won't let you sleep until you give her some fact, so just tell her that…" I thought quickly, racking my brain for something that would appease her and let me keep my anonymity for the moment.

"Should I tell her he was an infidel?" Edward's guessing skills always had me mad, he could always read my face and know my thoughts. He must have assumed he was right when I made a face and let my eyes drift back to my hands.

I shook my head, knowing that would lead to a string of questions from Esme and my father, who she would undoubtedly tell. "Tell her that the engagement plans were stressing the relationship out. She'll understand that, and maybe she won't go any further." Edward gave me a look, and we both knew that wouldn't appease Esme forever. But, at the moment, it was enough. He smiled, sliding off the bed. I followed, dropping my iPod on the dresser as we both head out to the kitchen.

He slid a comforting arm around my shoulder, digging his knuckles into my tangled brown locks in a brotherly gesture. "Don't worry, Bella. Alice and I will run defense during dinner and distract her. I think if you say any word that could be connected to wedding; she'll explode into chatter about Alice and Jasper." I laughed, leaning slightly into his friendly embrace as we made our way downstairs, where laughter echoed from the living room.

--

_Diary Excerpt from December 12__th_

_Just like that, my life has readjusted to the same way it was when I stayed with the Cullens as a teen. Esme and Carlisle constantly worried, Alice fretting over me, and Edward, always there. My old life is so comforting, I wish it was a sweater or something I could take everywhere…_

--


	3. three

--

--

_Diary Excerpt from December 12th_

_Getting to see my dad again, I'm really excited. A lot of people, when I tell them I was raised by only my father, expect me to have some character flaw. What can I say; Charlie was just so good at playing house! I miss my old man all the time…_

--

_Who is that stranger standing in the doorway to the kitchen? Why does he have a mustachio? _

The laughter that filled the room made my cheeks flare a violent red; I had voiced those questions aloud, complete with bad Italian accent. The stranger, who Esme claimed was my beloved father of twenty-two years, gave sheepish smile, once again attracting my eyes to the bush above his lip. With nothing to compare the man to, other than my memories of him beardless for the past twenty-one years, I accepted Esme's claim that he was my father. Being the good daughter I was, I slid off the stool, which I had been sitting on to watch Edward do my job of cutting tomatoes (I am so lousy with knives), and made my way into a nice fatherly embrace.

Well, now I knew without a doubt that the man in front of me was Charlie. With both of us being rather undemonstrative, only he was able to give a hug that warmed my very core. I sighed, burying my face into the coat of his police uniform, soaking in the scent of home. The kitchen slowly filled with noise once more as the occupants gave us a moment. It had been a while since I had seen my dad, too long really. But flying home wasn't an option this school year, and he hated flying in general, so New York was out of the question.

"Hi Bella," he said quietly, his hand patting my shoulder as I pulled away a bit to make eye contact. His brown eyes were clear, the same way I remembered, and I'm sure mine were the exact opposite, watering up. The half smile he gave me confirmed this, and he copied Edward's previous gesture, digging his knuckles lightly into my scalp. "Hey kiddo."

True to the word, I stuck out my tongue, swatting his hand away. "Nice to see you too, old man." The aghast look he gave me appeased my desire for revenge- Charlie hated to be reminded of his age ("I am not old! That is not a gray hair!"), and I hated being reminded of mine ("Just because I'm not forty doesn't make me young!"). "Really though, it's nice to be seeing you again. You really should have flown out to New York for Thanksgiving."

Charlie laughed, slipping an arm over my shoulder and walking me towards the bustling island where dinner was being pulled out of the oven. "Me? Fly? Never. That's what I give you money to do." We laughed, and I returned to my stool while he slipped away to talk to Carlisle. When they had become buddy-buddy, I can't remember, but it always seemed so mismatched to me. Charlie, in his fish-scented police uniform, contrasted so greatly with Carlisle, covered in some expensive cologne and dressed in nice slacks and shirt.

Alice tugged at the back of my shirt while as I drifted off into my mind, and the stool threatened to topple over due to my jerk backwards. A quick screech and the handy placement of Emmett at the exact moment kept me off the ground, but it was another cheek-flaring moment. To escape the laughter, all directed at me, I grabbed the finished salad, stalking off into the dining room and mumbling under my breath. My eyes were locked on the floor, cautious of the many things that could send my and the lettuce flying, and by the time I made it safely there, everyone else was filing in behind me.

People were drifting towards their seats in pairs. Charlie teamed up with Carlisle, who automatically went towards Esme. Jasper and Alice were making faces at each other, taking the first two seats they found open. I managed to steal the seat between Edward, who entered with his date being the turkey, and my dad, while Rosalie and Emmett talked in hushed voices. While I normally would have questioned the lack of volume, I kept my mouth occupied with the mountain of food Esme served on my plate. Alice and I made eye contact when she turned to Carlisle to serve him, and she shrugged. Edward caught the exchange and leaned towards me, whispering in my ear.

"Esme is a strong advocate of eating out your feelings. Tomorrow, she'll be taking you to the gym to work off your feelings. It's a cycle." I laughed, both at his comment and the tickling of his warm breath on my ear, and he pulled away right in time to miss a muffin thrown from Esme's general area. Both of his hands went up as he began to plead his innocence. The table roared with laughter, and a typical Cullen family dinner was started.

--

"Okay, so I'm come in two days for dinner. Does that sound okay?"

Charlie nodded, giving me a final hug as he slid his coat back on. "Drop in whenever you want. My schedule hasn't changed since you started going to high school, and the spare key is still under the eave. When you come, though, you might want to bring some rubber gloves and soap; the house is a total pigsty. And I still can't cook."

I laughed as I opened the door for him. "Nothing has changed, as I expected. Good night, Dad. Talk to you soon."

The sound of his goodbye floated through the door right before I closed it, and I waited next to the door until I heard the engine of the police car start and loudly switch gears before fading into the woods. Satisfied that my dad had gotten the car working correctly, I turned around to face the large house, zeroing in on the noises drifting down the hall. My feet lead me past the formal living room, took a brief detour in the dining room to help Esme carry empty dishes to the kitchen, and then made my way up the stairs to the rooms. Edward and Alice's rooms were empty, but the noises were coming from our hall. The door to my room was still tightly closed, but I didn't trust it to have stayed that way.

Sure enough, inside my room was the entire gang. Jasper, Emmett, and Edward looked comfortable enough on my bed, all leaning against the headboard and looking rather squished, though they were chatting quietly. Alice and Rosalie were making the most noise, tossing various objects out of my almost-empty suitcase. They noticed when I walked in, though they took no heed to me and continued rummaging through my things. Rather than ask them why they were doing so, I tossed myself across my bed, laying parallel to the edge, my head a little to close to Emmett shoe-clad feet for comfort. Edward's foot poked my rib cage, and I propped myself up on my elbows to send a mock glare at him.

The ensuing battle of immaturity was interrupted when Rosalie jumped up, her hands wrapped around a DVD case I had come to be very familiar with. The guys recognized it as well, but they did not seem as joyous as Alice and Rosalie. Emmett was the first to verbally show his disgust.

"The Notebook? Are you kidding me? It's our first night here, and we're going to watch the biggest chick flick of all time?" Edward loudly backed him up, while Jasper nodded as demurely as he could. I have the impression that Alice's glare may have had something to do with that. Both girls headed towards the bed, but Alice was closest to her beau, and she slid up slyly, grabbing his hand and starting to tug him off.

"Please? Think of it as one of the Christmas gifts I'm sure you forgot to get me." Jasper rolled his eyes, no doubt laughing mentally- he would never forget a gift. Emmett, on the other hand, colored quickly, and Rosalie knew she would get him in an instant.

"Just this one little present, please? And then we can go back to my house and we can see what kind of present I want to give you…" Her voice was low enough that I shouldn't have been able to hear it, but I was paying attention. Watching Emmett be whipped was hilarious, and it was always handy for blackmail later. When her hand trailed up of the bed to rest on his chest, fingers tracing organic shapes, I gagged. Edward caught my eye and did me a solid, grabbing a pillow and hitting them with it.

I laughed as the pair reoriented, and Edward slid off the bed first, pulling me off quickly after him to avoid their wrath. "Sorry, but any pre-fornication rituals are to be done outside of my room. Or…just not on the bed, please." Edward laughed while I spoke, and Emmett finally got off my bed. Rosalie gave us an evil eye as he started to pull her out of the room, Alice and Jasper following suit. To not be the odd pair out, Edward slipped his arm around my waist and dramatically pulled me away, making sound effects to match. The comfort of home, as Emmett and Alice both took a turn whacking Edward upside the head, was pleasantly swallowing me up.

--

It was as if I had forgotten that The Notebook was the ultimate love story, a movie that had so many memories attached to it. It was the official Valentine's Day movie for the past three years, the movie we whipped out when anyone hit a bumpy patch in their relationship, and the reason that sometimes we gained eight pounds in one night. The movie was hardly ever watched without a copious amount of ice cream, and tonight was no different. I was settled on the floor, my back against Alice's legs which dangled off the couch. The vanilla ice cream had turned to soup twenty minutes into the movie, and now we sat watching the ending credits, tears streaming down two sets of eyes.

Alice's legs disappeared from behind me, and I realized she had pulled them up and curled further into Jasper's shoulder. _Poor Edward_, I thought. He was the other occupant of the couch, and now his space was being encroached on by feet. Rosalie and Emmett had left before the movie ended, claiming exhaustion. Jasper declined going back with them, saying he was needed early in the Cullen household to help with Christmas and wedding details. What the two pairs would be doing in the wee hours of the morning were not things I wanted to think of, and I knew I would be playing Bublé tonight to ensure an undisturbed sleep.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, sniffling quietly and holding my breath until I knew I wouldn't cry when I opened my mouth. "Come on guys," I whispered, still in movie mode. "Esme is probably going to want us up bright and early to help with decorating, we should get some sleep." Alice nodded, and I extended my hand to help pull her off the couch. The two of us stumbled a bit back, almost falling over the coffee table. Jasper chuckled, and we all cast looks at Edward, waiting for his comment.

His slight snore was all we got, and that caused Alice and I to laugh. Jasper reached over, shaking Edward's shoulder while Alice crept up, poking his sides. He awoke, though he was drowsy as ever. Jasper pulled him off the couch, and his arm fell over my shoulder. "Where's the fire?" He slurred as I drug him along. Alice's tinkling laugh flew over her shoulder, filling the hallway. Jasper shushed her in a way that made me avert my gaze and Edward would have catcalled had I not slapped my hand over his mouth.

"Honestly," I muttered under my breath, "you must be hell when you're drunk." The sound of Alice's door closing made me look back, and sure enough the hall was devoid of any life but us. Edward's door was already open, so I quickly pulled him through and dumped him on his bed. By the time he had crawled up to the pillows, he was already starting to snore. I smiled, slipping out quietly. As I closed the door, I heard something akin to "Thank you", though it might have just been a very tonal snore.

My door squeaked as I pulled it open, and I winced. I hated making noise when all the others were sleeping. The lights to my room blinded me when I turned them on, and as I slid into my pajamas and as slid out of my room into the bathroom across the hall, I realized I had made it through the house without having any lights. I cleaned my face and brushed my teeth while feeling proud that I had also managed to not fall, and then I returned to my room.

The bed was so inviting, I dove right at it. The pillow Edward had hit Rosalie and Emmett with just a few hours ago bounced when I landed next to it in the middle of the bed. Instead of crawling to the head of the bed, I stayed where I was, suddenly exhausted and too lazy to move. My arms wrapped around the pillow, hugging it towards me as my body curled around it to form a tight ball. As I lay there, I subconsciously reflected on my day, recounting the moments of joy that filled it, like when I saw my father or when Esme started a mini-food war.

The reminder of having watched The Notebook was what caused the breakdown. My mind drifted back to New York, where we had watched it last when Rosalie went to a scare with Emmett over some colleague of his. In my state of near sleep, I could remember it perfectly. I had to run to the store twice for refills on sherbet, and I had ended up canceling my date with Jacob to Broadway to stay and comfort her. He had been so understanding, it had caused only more grief in the situation. Rosalie gave me a twenty minute lecture about holding on to a guy who was so sweet to me.

I remembered him dropping by shortly after midnight, when we had gotten Rosalie to sleep deeply enough that we could converse with out significant others. Jasper had already slipped in to help Alice keep watch on our personal time bomb while Jacob and I occupied the short balcony the extended from the kitchen. I relayed what Rosalie had said, and he had laughed, mockingly begging that I heed her advice.

All the memories filling my head disappeared when I heard my door creak open, letting in a little light. It took a moment for me to realize that the lack of focus on the pale hand, which grabbed my iPod of the dresser and then closed the door again, was due to the tears blurring my vision. My ears picked up the sound of feet tiptoeing on carpet, accompanied by quiet sniffles that shockingly came from me. I felt the bed tip slightly as someone crawled on it, and familiar hand stroked my forehead, along with comforting whispers.

"Bella, shush. It's fine, Bella dearest. Just let it out." I didn't question how Alice heard my cries, since they didn't sound loud to me. Perhaps she was just checking up, and it was convenient that I just happened to be in tears. Whatever caused her to slip into my room, I was grateful, especially when I felt one of my iPod earphones take residence in my ear, and the soothing sounds of Michael Bublé filled my head from the left ear. The pillow I had attained a death grip on was slowly freed from my hands, and Alice placed it on her lap. My head followed it, and I curled into a complete ball of pity next to my friend. Her hands soothingly patted and stroked in time to the music, making me think she had the other earphone in her ear.

That was the last conscious thought I can remember. I was so anxious to sleep at that point; I let it cover me like a blanket. I'm sure the tears continued out after that point, though Alice would never tell me. Sleep was warm, and I let my eyes close to picture not a memory of my past, but the face of Bublé serenading me to sleep.

--

_Diary Excerpt from December 12__th_

_I just want to curl up and disappear. It's dark enough, it's got to be tomorrow by now. Where did my sanity go? Perhaps I left it in New York, probably curled up on Jake's couch._

--

Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight, don't own Bublé. Wish I did, though.

Sorry it's so late, and relatively short. My story isn't getting as much attention as I hoped, and I found myself not very attracted to the idea of writing (and very preoccupied with the idea of getting my wisdom teeth out). Of course, then it storms and I find myself writing almost the entire thing. Enjoy, and please review.


	4. four

--

_Diary Excerpt from December 13__th_

_There are many kinds of evil in this world, including murders, thieves, and adulterers. But greater than all these things, I deem Christmas enthusiasts who find it alright to wake up distraught twenty-two year olds when the sun is rising the worst of the bunch._

_Esme is pure evil._

--

Since the Cullen house was so far away from the road, I first would assumed that decorations would be indoors and solely for the viewing pleasure of the occupants. Of course, I was quickly corrected at a young age and have grown to know better. Once I befriended Alice, my father and I were on the guest list for all the Cullen soirees. The most popular party was the Christmas Event held for Carlisle's coworkers and the close friends of everyone in the house.

Being the best event, it had to have over the top decorations, and Esme would settle for no less. That woman and her persuasion are the only reasons I would wake up at the crack of dawn (though you couldn't see the sun through the clouds as it was), trudge around the attic blowing dust off boxes to read the labels, and end up outside feeding lights to a still-drowsy Edward on the roof. Had I been actually awake, I would have worried for his and my safety, but I needed more sleep to care. The only reason I had not curled up into a ball on the lawn is because the weather wished to spite me and a fresh coat of snow covered the entire yard, swallowing my feet as I trudged along the wall.

"Hello down there!" The shout from above made me lift my eyes, and I saw the face of a more conscious Edward looking down. His smile seemed out of place in the dreary mood, and I scowled. "I'm finished up here. Can you plug in the lights to see if they work?"

Still too grumpy to talk, I grunted my affirmative and slowly made my way back to the electrical socket where I left the plug. I struggled to free my fingers from my mittens for a moment, and then the plug found its way into the socket, causing the front of the house to be illuminated in white light. I heard Edward shout something similar to "Eureka!" before foot steps could be heard on the roof and then on the ladder next to me. Rather than finish the last few rungs, he jumped down and swung towards me. The landing was exact, and he threw his arms up like a gymnast. My look must have been either in disgust or total fear (I did not want happiness to catch on. I was protesting and would not have that ruined) because Edward laughed and slid his arm around my shoulder.

"Cheer up, Bella. We're almost done, and then we can go in and claim that the cold has left us unable to do anything but sit on the couch with hot chocolate, promise. Sound good?" As much as I hated giving up my sour mood, the idea of liquid chocolate warmed my soul and I couldn't help but smile. Since he had what he wanted, Edward released me and started setting up the timer so that the lights would no longer have to be dealt with. By the time he finished and made his way to the mud room where I was, there was a full blown war going on between me and my snow pants which left me kicking them off on the ground.

His entrance made me look up, and I glared as menacingly as I could. "Laugh and die, Edward Cullen." My sour mood has returned, but he took no heed. As he helped free me from my pants, he had a nice laugh. I paid him back by dumping on his head a thick clump of snow I had found inside my snow boot. I'm almost positive my screams due to his revenge could be heard throughout the house.

--

Edward made good of his promise, and shortly after he was done torturing me with snow, we were in his room with new dry clothes and hot coco. It was one of the few times I got to talk to him about his school year, and I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was just as excited to talk to me. That or he really loved his organic chemistry class. He finished detailing his semester and asked me about mine. I kept things closely tied to school, talking about how I was forced into an advanced math class to finish out basic requirements (the closest to failure I've ever come), about how my favorite art teacher would only look at our projects upside-down ("If it's not pretty upside-down, it won't survive in the real world"), and about how I needed I was asked to make a piece over winter break for said art teacher to show his students.

"He said I was the only one who grasped the upside-down beauty concept. I suppose that's because most of my art lately has been abstract and sometimes I can't even tell which way started as up." Edward chuckled at this, leaning back against his pillows. I smiled from my spot at the edge of the bed, hot chocolate being sipped whenever I took a breath. The last drop was drained by the end of my recount, and I slid toward the headboard to sit next to him while I ditched the cup on his nightstand.

The silence between us was not awkward, but was probably headed that way. I knew what he wanted to ask, but since I didn't want to bring it up, I looked around his room. Not much had changed since the last time I was here, though the desk was much messier and the bookshelf now had books sitting on the floor waiting for a spot to be placed in. The only other addition was directly above the bed, the last place I looked, and he also turned to eye it when he heard my gasp.

His chuckle made me glance at him, and we locked eyes. "Surprised I kept it?" he asked, referring to the painting he had placed above his bed. "I told you I liked it, so you should have known there was no way it wasn't getting hung."

I sighed, eyes downcast. Being shy little me, I never dealt with praise well, especially not of my art. It is true that you are your biggest critic. "I knew you would hang it up, Edward. It's not like you to take something just to be nice. I suppose I just didn't expect to find it hung up in your room, in a spot where people would actually see it, where you would have to see it everyday."

There wasn't pity at my lack of self-confidence like I expected, nor the sadness that came out when my friends realized I critiqued myself. Instead, I could detect anger and maybe a little bit of annoyance when he replied. "Bella, the painting is beautiful. If I had had my way, it would be hung in the main hallway where everyone would see it. But you know Esme and her color schemes, the "spring colors would not mix well with the fall painting, Edward". You know her." His imitation of her voice was very near perfect, and it made me laugh. For the first time in two weeks, my laugh didn't sound wrong nor feel strange. It felt light, happy, and carefree, like it should.

Those feelings had been sorely missed in the past two weeks, and I didn't realize how much I loved them. It didn't take long for my mind to start making connections, though, which ruined my mood. The last time I felt this happy was curled up in the arms of the man I thought I was going to marry. We had been talking about the wedding, and for the first time since we started planning, there was no arguing. The night after that happy day would be the night exactly two weeks ago, when everything I knew was pretty much ripped to shreds. My mind ran rampant with the thoughts of Jacob, and I sometimes wish I could know what Edward thought as he watched me break down.

I think he assumed it was still over the painting because as he slowly gathered me in his arms, he was talking about how he could take it down and hang it in the attic if it made me happy. Reminders of the painting I made in the prime of my happiness (painted shortly before the proposal) only made the tears leak out more. Edward remained confused until he understood my distraught mumbling, which consisted of profanity and Jacob's name. With the same understanding as his sister, Edward allowed me to once again soak him, though this time with tears instead of snow.

Every once in a while, he would whisper how I was okay, and I distracted my mind by comparing him with Alice. Unlike his sister, who told me that everything was going to be okay and that I was just confused, Edward made no promises on my future. He didn't tell me that I was going to turn out better because of this, nor that it would work out in the end. No, he just told me that I was okay, that I could stop crying, that he was there for me. The reassurance I felt because of him was outstanding, and I was slightly skeptical of how quickly the tears stopped.

It was only after I was left with sniffling that Edward released me, disappearing from my side just long enough to run to his desk and grab the full box of tissues. The soft texture was now a common sense; I had gone through six boxes of tissues in New York. The strawberry scent helped calm me down a bit more as I found more things to distract myself. Edward was wary as he once again slid his arms around me, but I did my best to not breakdown. I let myself fall against him, and he didn't hesitate and pulled me back a bit so he could lean against the headboard and support me.

How long I was like that, I don't know. Looking at the clock was one of the last things I thought about as I listened to Edward fill the silence with more chatting about school and various pointless distracting topics. The guilt caught up with me in the middle of his description of the campus' floral arrangements, and a tear dripped down my cheek. His sigh was almost silent, but I was close enough to hear it and just I ducked my head down to cover the blush that sprouted. I hated being a burden to him, though I knew he would disagree if I told him that. Instead of letting him think floral arrangements were enough to set me off, I decided to set him right in why fresh tears filled my eyes.

"Edward, don't think this is because you said something wrong." My voice was surprisingly strong for someone who just sobbed her heart out, and I smiled when it did not crack despite the tears in my eyes. "You did everything right, you were just like Alice. I feel…guilty, though. Unlike your sister, you know close to nothing about what happened, yet you still put up with this, with me. I feel like…"

I didn't get to finish, Edward had clamped his hand over my mouth. "You worry too much, has anyone told you that recently? I am your friend, and I am duty bound to help you out whether I know why or not. I _want_ to help you out, even if I'm sketchy on the details. I know you'll tell me when you're ready, you always do. So stop worrying about my feelings and get all the tears out. You know if you cry in front of Esme, she will be much more inquisitive than this."

I nodded against his shoulder where I had laid my head. My eyes drifted unwillingly to the clock not far from us, and the time surprised me. "It's after noon? Didn't we come in around eight?" His nod was slow, and I wondered how long I had spent crying instead of talking to him like a good friend would. After making sure my eyes were dry and spending another half an hour making random, pointless chit chat with him, I slid off his bed. His eyes followed me warily, as if convinced I would break down at any moment. This cautiousness would have annoyed me before, I hate being treated as if I'm broken, but after my random breakdown today, I considered it justified. My hand extended towards him after I made sure I was balanced on the ground, and he grabbed it and also slid to the floor. "Come on, I'm sure you're as hungry as I am. Breakfast was at six, and we hardly were fed before…" A growling stomach cut me off, and I smirked at the now sheepish Edward.

"Consider that confirmation that you are correct," he said, pulling me by our connected hands out of his room. We passed a mirror on the way out, and I confirmed that my ponytail had remained in tact and my eyes were no longer red. My free hand pulled the door closed behind us, and Edward did not drop my hand as we made out way to the kitchen to scrounge for food. I kept my eyes on the ground to make sure I didn't fall as I kept up with Edward's fast gait, and the squeeze of my hand before setting it free made me look up and realize we had arrived at our destination, which smelled of wonderful grilled cheese.

I nearly ran to the island, watching Alice make her lunch, and she eyed me carefully. Though I no longer had the red eyes, the tear tracks were somewhat visible, so Alice came to the deduction that I had been crying. Obviously, since Edward and I came in together, he both started and ended it. The debate was obvious on her face- should she flay him or tackle him in a hug. The small, weak smile I sent her made kept her from flaying him, but the hug didn't happen. Disappointment coursed through me, I loved watching Edward get attacked by Alice. It was the fun of having siblings without actually having to have them.

The silence had lasted a little too long, and Alice coughed to end it. My eyes focused on her, and I put on my best smile. "Alice, you know you love me so much." Her deadpan stopped me from any more sweet talk. I cut to the chase. "I'm cold, tired, and starving. Will you make me lunch?" The clearing of a throat reminded me that I had a friend who also needed food. "And by me, I mean Edward and me. We are both so hungry after taking your job of putting up the lights. You know, since you and Jasper locked yourselves in your room, and Esme didn't want to wake you…" I trailed off, curling a lock of my hair behind my finger.

Alice blushed, but so lightly that had she not been so pale, I wouldn't have noticed. "You get grilled cheese. Nothing special, no seasoning, and you pour your own drinks." The offer was on the table, and I was willing to negotiate. The bartering for meals had almost become a habit of ours. I was almost always too lazy to cook, and Alice loved a good argument.

"Grilled cheese, no seasoning, but you cut up an apple and make us hot chocolate." Her eyebrows rose, as if asking me why I could demand such, and I leaned in. She did the same, and I tilted my head to whisper in her ear. "Do that and I won't tell anyone about the noises I could hear last night." My laughter filled the air as we both pulled back, Alice red and my face glowing in victory. "Get me when it's done, will you? I'm going to go find a blanket to wrap up in."

As I skipped out, I could hear Edward scooting a stool closer to the island and beginning to question Alice on what I said.

--

It never ceased to amaze me how strange the Cullen house was compared to mine. In my own, the linen closet was between my father's and my room, equal distance so that we could both reach it easily. The Cullens had theirs near Carlisle and Esme's room, another short staircase up from all the kids' rooms. The walk wasn't long, but it made me wish I had a small blanket in my room to curl up in instead of having to climb more stairs.

No one had called my name yet, so I assumed my food wasn't done as I reached the closet. The door creaked a little, obviously not used often. The Cullens kept their rooms well stocked in blankets and such, so normally the closet was used by me and any other guest. Blankets were on the top shelf and to reach them, I had to climb on the first shelf for leverage. As I stretched my arms, I could hear through the walls the discussion Carlisle and Esme were having. It was difficult to hear since they were talking and hushed voices, and it set off my alarm. Esme loudly proclaimed anything about Alice's wedding, so there would be no reason to be quiet about that, and Carlisle always talked about Edward like a proud father. That left one other occupant in the house, unless all the sudden the perfect couple had marriage problems. I tiptoed to the door, carefully putting my ear close to the small crack left open. It sounded quite like a monologue, and I wondered if Carlisle was even in there.

"I just don't understand, do you? The last time she came, they came to dinner. They were so in love, what could have happened? Alice was so excited when she called a little over a month ago. We were going to help plan the wedding; they were going to have it here! How could she cut it off, what could that boy have done? I tried to ask Alice, but she cut me off before I even finished the question, saying it wasn't her job to tell me. Rosalie said somewhat of the same. I even sent Edward there to get some answers, and he came back with marriage dilemma. That wouldn't break them up, not to the extent that she would stay here. Alice said on the phone that she's cried herself to sleep more days than just falling asleep, and anyone can tell she's two words from being hysterical." The frustrated sigh echoed through the room, and I took that moment to breathe. "I'm just confused, and I want to know what's going on with my almost-daughter."

I could hear the sympathetic smile in Carlisle's voice as he spoke. "She will tell us all if we need to know, but Esme, you must remember, we only have one daughter. We cannot force Bella into telling us how she feels, no matter how curious we are." Esme made some sound, but I didn't comprehend if it was a response or just agreement. Already, I was moving from the door, blanket dragging on the ground.

Everyone was curious? Was I really such a burden that I was worrying Esme? I had no clue I was such an open book. Well, I did know people could see through me lies, but Esme pegged everything right on. My mind wandered as I leaned against the wall across from my room and slowly slid to the ground. As much as I hated it, I needed to think about Jacob in order to get over him. All of the annoying qualities, all the reasons Rosalie gave me not to date him, and all the problems we'd had in the past came flooding back. One deep breath later, and I allowed my mind to roam.

I was pulled from my thoughts by the sound of my name being chanted by Alice through the ventilation system. I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but it couldn't have been long. My reaction was to smile, and it felt genuine for the first time in a while. As I stood, blanket tightly wrapped around my shoulders and feet dragging slowly across the floor, a part of my mind finally made itself clear. My greatest desire and my worse fear were getting over Jacob. I know I needed to rid myself of him, but it was such a big piece to lose…

I let my mind become pleasantly numb in the aftermath of my revelation as I made my way towards my food. Waiting for me on the island was a delicious looking grilled cheese, the remainders of last night's salad in small bowl next to it. Edward had already dug into his, and Alice looked about ready to hit him with the spatula.

I raised my eyebrows as I sat, slowly ripping of a piece of crust to chew on it. "Where's my apple and hot chocolate?" As I spoke, the kettle screeched from the stove, and my jump from the seat amused the Cullen siblings.

"Your hot chocolate is coming up. All the apples are red," she noted my cringe, smirking, "so I got you a salad." She didn't wait for me to thank her before turning around to put the finishing touches on our hot chocolate. I took a bite of grilled cheese, savoring the warmth with a smile, and managed to maneuver a thank you out of my bread-filled mouth when she placed my hot chocolate down. "Don't worry about it Bella. You won't be thanking me for long." My quizzical look must have been more amusing with my cheeks full of food and she laughed while she answered. "I think Edward warned you last night about what Esme does after food therapy."

I wracked my mind then swallowed loudly. "Oh no. Not the gym!" My distraught cry made it seem more like a medieval punishment than a healthy visit to the Forks Gym, but I wasn't taking it back. Edward laughed through his sandwich, and Alice just smiled, stealing some of the crust that I had ripped off. With a dramatic sigh and a sip of hot cocoa, I surrendered. "When are we going?"

"We?" she asked back, ignoring my look of shock. "Jasper and I are quite busy checking over all of Mom's plans. I need you to distract her at the gym for at least three hours, we don't want her coming. I want to make some decisions about my wedding without her. As backup…you want Eddy?"

The boy in question looked up at the nickname, looked between Alice's look of demand and my look of self-pity, and resigned to his fate. "Can we wait to go until three or so? There's a basketball game on I wanted to see." Only Edward would dare postpone plans due to sports, but I wasn't going to risk him backing out.

"Three it is. Alice, you tell Esme. I'm going to go find my sketch book and possibly join in watching the game." I finished the salad, and then grabbed the rest of my sandwich to go. "Thanks love. You're just peachy keen." I ran out to Alice's denial of her duty, humming loudly to indicate that I wasn't hearing a word she said. Edward's laugh followed me out.

--

Basketball was a surprisingly interesting sport and by the time Esme loaded Edward, Carlisle, and myself into the car, I was more awake and actually wanting to get fit. Who wouldn't want to be able to jump that high…

As my thoughts drifted around, mostly replaying the game that I had hardly understood, I vaguely listened to conversation, noting the Esme said we were had to stop at the grocery store on the way back, and Carlisle mentioning that he was back to work tomorrow and wanted Edward to go with him. I jumped in for a moment, asking if they could drop me off at my father's since I promised him that I would visit my childhood home. After assuring me they could and chatting lightly on what I was doing there, Carlisle pulled into the gym parking lot, the place of my own physical torture for the next hour and a half.

--

The gym is never particularly crowded and the personal trainers aren't all that trained, but with Carlisle the doctor-extraordinaire and Esme the video-fitness-queen, I left more stretched and exhausted than I had been all year, despite Rosalie's best attempts. There was nothing more fun than having your every move critiqued for how it affected your muscles. I was not out of shape by any means, but with the condition I was in when we left the gym, I would have thought I hadn't been to the gym in a year.

Going to the gym in sweat pants and sweaty is always fun, seeing as people are typically adverse to pushing you around to get to their favorite box of graham crackers or bag of chips. Esme gave Edward and me half the list and we challenged them to a mighty race to see who could shop the fastest. Esme would have won had she not been stalled at the Deli Counter. Of course, Edward then had to carry thirty numbers around in his pockets, trying to hide them until we got home. Our cart was filled with enough junk food to feed the whole town, but with Emmett around the Cullens house to hang out with his "favorite girlfriend's friends", it wouldn't last ten minutes. By the time we checked out and loaded all the food into the back of the Suburban we had fulfilled Alice's time limit. I texted her (slowly but steadily) warning her of her mother's imminent return.

As we walked into the house, I heard the shushing of Alice, and I was the first in the living room, witnessing their hustling to sit on the couch and look relaxed. "You look like Barbie's. Very posed and very fake." Alice tossed a pillow at me and I shrugged. "I only speak the truth." Edward agreed behind me, carrying a canvas bag of groceries. "Oh, yeah, Esme wants you to come help get groceries. She's going to look for her sunglasses in her car."

My vindictive smile was glowing as I slid out of the house to help with groceries. Everyone knew Esme's car was a mess, that finding anything took at least twenty minutes. It didn't help that Alice had pointed out that her sunglasses were in the kitchen this morning. So much for the rush…

I carried in three loads of bags and then helped put stuff away. By the time dinner was on the stove, all the food was packed away and Edward and I were sitting down with Jasper to play cards. Alice floated around the kitchen, helping her mother prepare the spaghetti and making calls to invite Rosalie and Emmett back over. Our game of Go Fish lasted only until Edward began cheating, and then War was a long, bitter fight. Jasper, as victor, escaped clean up duty, and I, as the loser, was stuck taking his shift. As we finished, Esme put dishes on the counter and we began to set the table, still arguing over the rules of Go Fish.

Dinner passed quickly, light conversation filling the room and my father absent to visit one of his neighbor's for their famous fish fry. Esme was amazed that he could be bribed anywhere by the promise of fried fish, but I was not surprised. I gave up fish every year for Lent, despite my lack of religious behavior. I just wanted a reason not to eat it for an extended period of time. Esme, however, wanted Charlie back as soon as possible, and thus fish was undoubtedly on the menu more often than ever until Christmas.

Fully stuffed and satisfied that I had gained back almost all the weight I lost at the gym, I excused myself from that night's activity of charades, claiming exhaustion. Edward seconded my call, and we kept chatting all the way up to my room. At his door, he had me wait, grabbing my sketch book that I had left in the living room during the basketball game, saving it from Alice's peeking eyes.

"Promise you didn't look?" I questioned for the umpteenth, fingering the worn cardstock cover which was detailed by my doodles in green Sharpie.

"I promise, Bella. Trust me, I have enough of your art in my room, I can wait until you give me something else." He was right. Pinned on a cork board over his desk were a few of my sketches that reminded me of or were inspired by him. With art, I was less shy; I was willing to admit what sparked my ideas. "Now, go to bed before Esme comes up here and accuses us of skipping tonight without good reason…or before I steal the bathroom first." With that threat, I skipped away, grabbing my night stuff from my room and sliding into the bathroom with what I thought was stealth. It was probably more clumsy than stealth, but I cared not. By the time I brushed my teeth, changed, and flossed, Edward was knocking impatiently. I opened the door, poised to scold him, and was surprised to be squished.

His weight was much, and he managed to catch him pretty fast, holding himself a few inches up by arms that I was sure were sore from today's workout. I tried to fight down the blush, and laughed lightly, waiting until he chuckled along with me before attempting the free myself from the awkward position. Edward quickly caught on, scrambling to stand and extending his hand. I took it, allowing him to pull me up and stumbling forward a bit as I reoriented. His hands grabbed my elbows and helped to steady me. I looked up a bit, giving a quick smile.

Once again, Edward's laugh followed me out of room, as he kept laughing through our good nights. It probably didn't help that I attempted to glare after he couldn't return my goodnight. He hugged me as I left, but I kept my arms tight until he freed me, his laughter quieting but not ceasing.

"Jerk. Clumsier than me. Meany. TP his room." I mumbled vague threats under my breath as I crawled into bed, curling under my covers with my iPod on and the sound of The Fray lulling me to sleep. I kept my mind on a short leash, covering my day with much superficiality, not going into details. I made myself a promise today to get over the man who caused so much pain, but it was going to be slow. I reminded myself of a few reasons Rosalie told me to not date him, and then covered one good memory that was tying me to him. The ritual of two steps forward, one step back kept me from breaking down, and I made sure to keep my breaths deep and slow.

I'm not sure how much time passed as I thought through parts of my life, covering only the times I thought I could handle. My iPod finished the album of music and turned off, though I hardly took notice. Eventually, my slow breathing and distracted mind lulled into slumber. Oh, how I love sleep.

--

_Diary Excerpt from December 13__th_

_One day, I'll be totally over it. Soon, I'll be mostly over it. Right now, I think I'm…stuck in it. Like a car stuck in the mud. It's just as dirty and tiresome. I've been raised that I can do anything I put my mind to. How come this isn't working as well?_

_--_

Disclaimer: I disclaim.

I know, I'm a horrible person. I take forever. No one's reading this anyways, so it doesn't matter. If it makes anyone who actually reads feel better, the fluff is upcoming in…three to four chapters. I'm hopefully actually going to stick to writing; I think I have a reason now. I want to have something to do while my mom goes through her rough time.


	5. five

--

_Diary Excerpt from December 14__th_

_It's good to get back to my roots in terms of art. Charlie's house is practically wallpapered in my "masterpieces". I think it will be a great place to start my newest creation, the one my professor asked for._

_--_

Edward and Carlisle waved goodbye as they drove down the neighborhood road, disappearing in blinding white snow mounds that built up on the side of the road. I waved until I couldn't see them any more, adjusting my bag on my shoulder as I turned to observe my surroundings, happy to see the house was relatively the same. There were no Christmas decorations up, making that my first step, but all the paint was touched up and my rusty old truck still occupied the driveway, probably slowly sinking since it looked unmoved since I left last fall. It truly was left a statue to a simpler time, when college wasn't considered and working at the sports shop was the best job in town.

The patrol car was missing in the drive, though there were tracks in the snow where it was supposed to be. _Off to work again, _I thought as my body went through the motions of grabbing the key from under the eave and unlocking the door. By the time I got inside, my mind had turned off autopilot, but not before replacing the key to the hiding spot. It really needed a new one; I could only remember a handful of the times Alice broke in to my house to play dress up before school.I waded through a couple boxes of Christmas decorations, sure that Charlie had meant to get to them. My arrival probably distracted him, but I didn't mind having some chores to do. My ideas for painting were being thrown around, so I was just planning on painting a base color on the campus. A nice ivory never did me wrong, and the snow outside was inspiring me too much to imagine another color. I ignored the mess around the house, heading up the stairs to me room. A few steps creaked, and I was greeted by a larger mess of towels and laundry upstairs. Charlie must have started saving when he found out I was coming home.

I giggled to myself and pulled out my phone. I walked down the hall to his room while I texted, sending a message that would take a couple hours for him to figure out how to open. By then, maybe the house could be clean. His room reassured me he had been saving, and I looked forward for the challenge of fighting the washer and dryer.

My room was down the hall, and the door was closed. I opened it, raising some dust off the floor. I was a little shocked that the whole thing wasn't coated, but that just told me that Charlie was keeping his promise of cleaning at least the whole house once while I was gone. My easel stood in the same spot as every year, facing the small window and replacing my bed side table with a fresh canvas on it [Charlie loved surprising me with one every time I came. He always hoped for a painting he could keep]. Said table was moved around the easel, now under the window and loaded with cups of dirty water and dried paint. I sighed, grabbing the trash can and cleaning the table off before refilling the cups with clean water and leaving my previously dirty brushes in the filled sink to soak out some of the paint.

The task of painting the base ivory was mind numbing, and I turned up my CD player while I did so. The typical classical music I painted to had been replaced by one of my dad's old rock CDs, and I laughed as I painted in tempo with the bass drum. The whole canvas was covered quickly, and I smiled at the fresh look of the ivory canvas.

While I left the canvas to dry, I began the daunting task of cleaning. The beds all got stripped, and the laundry from the basket was dumped into a heap on top of the linens. The wash was all shuffled into the hallway, and then kicked down the stairs. I laughed as it tumbled, then went to my room and grabbed the CD my dad had left. I ran down the stairs and put the disc in the stereo, turning it up so I could hear it anywhere in the house and hopefully cover the washing machine's loud tumble.

As I put in the first load, I made the mental checklist. I had a lot to do; make a couple meals for Charlie to reheat while doing the dishes from said task, remake the beds, clean the bathroom, do all the laundry and put it away, and then decorate for Christmas. I took the task of cooking very seriously, making sure to make microwave friendly dishes. I put a few pots on the stove, boiling noodles for spaghetti and a fancy macaroni and cheese. The oven preheated while I made a quick lasagna and potato dish. That would be enough to get Charlie through lunch and dinner for a month, at least. Assuming he made his own fish, of course. The noodles were dumped in the boiling water quickly as I traded loads and started making head way with the bathroom.

--

By the time the wash was all done and put away, the house could hardly be recognized. I took a few minutes to make a quick sandwich at eleven, but the hours had passed quickly since then. Charlie would come home to a very clean house that smelled of lemon dusting cloths and pasta. The Christmas decorations covered the living room and kitchen, and I even wrapped some metallic tinsel around the stair's banister to make it festive to go upstairs. The shower had been clean of whatever had been covering the tiles, and the sink no longer had a stained faucet. I considered it quite a feat that you could see yourself in the mirror. I had finished early enough that I even had time to vacuum up all the pine needles that had fallen as I wrestled with the Christmas tree. It may have only been five feet, but it was sixty inches of pure Bella-hating evil.

The ringer of my cell phone surprised me, and I ran to the stereo as I answered it. "Hello?" I asked, surprised. I normally didn't get calls, and I wasn't expecting one.

"_I…oh. Hey. I didn't think you'd answer,"_ The voice replied, and my fingers immediately found the red end call button. In my rush, I hadn't checked caller ID and this might have cost me my temporary happiness. The tears started leaking, and I found my way to the couch quickly. I heard the ringer start again, but I just turned the phone on silent and started to distract myself. There was almost nothing left to clean, but I managed keep the tears at bay while I cleaned every window in the house and worked on stringing the lights outside.

Charlie made it home shortly after the sun started setting, seeming very far away even at high noon. The Christmas lights were on, and I was busy humming along to the rock music that was still playing, though at a lower volume, as I whipped up a quick stir fry.

"Hey Bells," my father called as he came inside, and I smiled as I heard the joy in his voice. Home cooking. In his actual home.

"Howdy Sheriff," I giggled, a little goofy after fighting my fear on the roof. "How was work?" I asked, dropping the country accent as I turned the burners off and started setting the table.

"It was good, uneventful. I played cards, and then got into a heated game of Bull…ogna," he quickly modified. I laughed as he continued talking; I would never be old enough to cuss around for Charlie. "I was so sure Mark was lying, I called him every time. I ended up with all the cards, and you know how slow that makes the game." I nodded sympathetically, stirring the vegetables. "Anyways, that's why I'm late. Seems like I'm just on time for dinner, though."

I smiled. "Yep, I had just finished wrestling with the lights on the roof when it started getting dark. You're lucky you had enough food for me to make the meals." He opened his mouth, probably to argue that he had just gone shopping, but I cut him off. "I also took the liberty of making about a year's worth of food for you in the fridge. Spaghetti, au gratin potatoes, lasagna, mac'n'cheese, and then the left overs of stir fry. There are also some baked chicken dishes in there. It wouldn't hurt you to eat some more lean chicken. Though at least fish is healthy in moderation…"

Charlie smiled, helping me get dinner on the table by filling up two cups with almost expired milk. "I'll go shopping tomorrow to replenish on what I used and get you some more fruit. Before you argue Dad, just eat it with peanut butter. You can't taste the fruit and it's just as healthy." Charlie kept his mouth open, but only to scoop in a bite of dinner.

--

Silence lasted through dinner and afterwards, only interrupted by my call to the Cullens to inform them I was staying the night with my dad. After my call and thirty minutes of the news, Charlie started the chatting. It changed, a back and forth about school and work and weather and crime. Charlie hated the crime in New York and I hated the weather in Forks, so we argued about our respective cities. My mind flashed to Jacob a couple times, and I remembered the phone call. Sure that I could handle telling my dad a bit, I interrupted his argument for Fork's good road system with a bit of why the engagement is off.

Charlie didn't look at me while I spoke, and he asked only a few questions to keep it light hearted. Apparently, Charlie was willing to lose his job if it meant for he could use his gun on someone who deserved it, or at least use the pepper spray. I laughed my way through the story, ending a bit happier that I told someone. I left out a few details, a bit here and there like that I had been practically living in Jacob's place and had lost a handful of my things or that he had called earlier, and then the whole drunken fiasco after seeing him cheat. Those would have just further enraged Charlie. He was protective about the things he paid for [my clothes and phone service among them, along with most of my nights out, though he didn't know that]. We discussed getting a new phone plan, Charlie and my phone were both way out of date, and then we bid each other good night. The cleaning had really sapped my energy from me, and I fell asleep still fully dressed and smelling of cleaner. My dreams that night were only of snow flakes and lemon orchards.

--

I woke early to make a quick breakfast of scrambled eggs and ham for Charlie [while he practically ran out the door with a quick "See you soon, Bells!"], and then napped on the couch until it was reasonable to go shopping. The grocery store was packed, despite the early hour, but I managed to get all the things I used and some fresh fruit within a couple hours. I filled the freezer, fridge, and pantry with my prizes from the grocery hunt, and then tidied up the dishes from last night's dinner, Charlie's breakfast, and the reheated stir fry I had swallowed quickly for lunch. Edward had called, telling me he would pick me up in roughly an hour, but I still had to switch out some of the broken lights on the roof. A whole strand had every other bulb burnt out, and I braved the roof with watering eyes. Two times in twenty four hours was a bit tormenting to my mental state, but there was no more putting it off. Charlie was much too old to be crawling on the roof; I was young and limber and ready, along with scared out of my wits.

After one slip on a particularly icy shingle, I had to sit and just breathe. The cold air filled my system, and I continued my meticulous light replacement until the entire box was filled with the broken lights and the house was a shining white.

Edward arrived shortly after one to a Bella that had her tears totally banished and was carefully crawling across the roof with a box of broken lights. He helped me down as he laughed, but then applauded me as I showed him around the clean house.

"You know, before you came, Esme had dropped by to return Charlie's jacket when he left it at our house. He's almost a regular at dinner, now," he added, probably to assure me Charlie was eating well after showing him the fridge full of plastic wrapped food. "She said if it weren't for the fact you had lived here with him for so many years and made him promise to clean sometimes, we probably would have lost our Sheriff to his own house."

I laughed with him as we walked upstairs. Edward claimed to want to help carry the canvas, but I had a feeling he just liked keeping tabs on me. Maybe the teary-eyed look hadn't faded like I'd hoped, but I was too lazy to explain it was from fear of heights, not of memories. Inside my room, I went straight to packing my paint supplies into the beaten old messenger bag I had been using since I went to New York.

"I can't believe you still have all these pictures," Edward muttered, viewing my walls. I hadn't noticed all the photos and artwork covering not only the walls of my room, but almost every wall in the house.

"Eh, I guess I'm used to them. Taking the down would make the room…the house feel empty." I stood next to him, bag over my shoulder, looking at the pictures he was viewing. Alice and he were in quite a few; Christmas, graduations, vacations to sunny lands, and the occasional picture of our snow days together. My artwork littered the wall nearest the door, depicting murals of my friends, Charlie and I, or even the dog I had once tried to care for. It hadn't taken long for Charlie to give him a couple more apt to keeping pets alive. "Well Skipper, let's go. I got a text for Alice saying she's ready to get going."

"And the monster is awake…" Edward laughed, grabbing the canvas and letting me lead the way out of my room.

--

Upon our arrival, Alice jumped me with the rest of my plans for the day. I had to clean up, since apparently I smelled of cleaner and police men's dirty clothes, and then I was to prepare for a departure to Port Angeles. That reminded me of how I was going to need Christmas presents, so I quickly agreed. Of course now that Alice had wound herself up to persuade me, she turned on Edward and he lost the battle.

"I'm not the only one going down with this ship," I said, mocking his misery playfully. He saluted, muttering an "Ay ay" before shuffling off, presumably to prepare as well. I hadn't noticed his clothes earlier, but his pristine white hospital outfit didn't really look like shopping clothes, so I let him off without asking where he way going. Probably to nap; Carlisle has mentioned before that even a half day in the psych ward drained him of most of his energy when a full twenty four hour shift in the Emergency Room didn't even make a dent.

Passing an hour and half was surprisingly easier than I thought. The warm shower took up most of the time, and I enjoyed the steam that remained when I turned it off. I slid back into my pajamas before heading back to my room, my hair wrapped up in a towel turban to help it dry. The little white book with a cover plastered in my pencil doodles occupied the rest of my time. I normally only wrote in my diary right when I woke up or at the end of the day, but I had spare time and it looked lonely. I chewed on my lip as I wrote, constantly looking towards the door. Alice and Rosalie had made it a game in New York to find my diary and read it aloud at dinner, and I had taken to hiding it in a plastic bag in the tank of the toilet. Now safely in my own room, I was still taking precautions and sticking it under the mattress. There was no way I was going to risk having Edward or Esme or…or my _father_ reading my thoughts.

Writing took up a chunk of time, etching some doodles in my sketchbook filled the next spell, and then resisting the tugging of Edward and Alice at said sketch book cleared it out.

Clad in enough clothes to last outside for a couple of days, I trekked outside, pleased that the bitter cold did not permeate the layers. However, five minutes in a car with the heat up had me shedding layers until I was left in my navy sweater and khaki pants. The drive was filled mainly with mindless banter, a lot of comments from the back [where Jasper and Alice were debating anything from welfare to the holes in Swiss cheese], and the pleasant warmth associated with car rides with friends. By the time we got to Port Angeles, things in the town were starting to slow down, and Alice had Edward drop her and Jasper off at the closest thing to a department shop.

After finding a commuter lot, Edward and I wandered the town, browsing in and out of shops. I didn't have a ton of money put aside for gifts, since I assumed they would all be local Hawaiian gifts. That plan was obviously abandoned, and I left a few stores with bags. I was surprised that I managed to find some good gifts and knew I would have escaped this Christmas accusation of late shopping had Edward not witnessed my purchasing. Luck must have been with me; Port Angeles gifts were normally pretty inexpensive, and everywhere was having huge sales.

"Come on," he rushed me, not liking the looks he was getting from one particular shop owner. "I'm sure there's another store selling the same thing with a male owner."

I laughed under my breath. "What if he stares at you the same way?" I asked while fingering the table clothes tossed haphazardly in a clearance bin. Charlie was in serious need of some feminine touches in his house. In the very least, it would make it look like someone cleaned the table if he ever had a date, all the table cloth needed was a quick wash. I grabbed a simple blue one that wouldn't clash with the bright yellow cabinetry and snagged a couple of cheesy holiday themed wrapping paper. The owner was approaching us, fully loaded with 'come hither' eyes. Edward quickly turned to face me, his eyes pleading. I caved. "Here honey, can you hold these? I think you Dad would just love that golf calendar, but I can't hold all of this?" I smiled over exaggeratedly as he mouthed thank you, wrapping an arm tightly around my waist.

"Of course, sweetie. I would do anything for you. Oh, and I agree. Dad's always in need of a good calendar full of professional golf poses." My shoulders shook as I laughed, but I covered it my nodding enthusiastically as we meandered toward said calendars. I browsed them while having Edward load my purchases on the counter, eventually choosing a nice nature themed one to replace Charlie's, which was still dated to 1986.

The store owner checked us out grumpily, and I cheerfully gave Edward all the bags, calling him every cheesy name I could think of while I was allowed to. He stomached it until we got a few stores down, handing me one of the bags, my arms filled with other purchases. "Snookums? Did you have to go there?" He asked, his tone sounds angry. I quickly looked at his face. His smile betrayed his tone, and I was amused as we walked past the rest of the tourist traps on the way to his car.

"Nonetheless, you owe me. I saved you an unneeded rejection to a pleasant invitation, I'm sure." I kept my tone light and happy, and barely noticed that Edward hadn't unwrapped his arm from my waist until I noticed the lack of warmth as a light post separated us. "How shall I charge you?"

"I'll save you the trouble of being creative," he mocked, his tone much lighter to match mine, as he popped his trunk for my bags. "If you don't get put in the same situation I was in by the time we leave, I will help you wrap gifts. Fair?" I quickly agreed as I unloaded, sticking my hand out to shake.

"Deal," I said as he grabbed it. "Now, let's go meet up with Alice and Jasper. I'm sure they already have a table at the diner."

--

By the time we had gotten to the eatery, I had already had to use Edward as a fake boyfriend three times, and the last time had required a bit more convincing to dissuade the pursuer. I wiped my cheek of what I claimed to be his cooties with a look of disgust while Edward laughed. "Our deal does not work the other way around," I muttered, leaning into him as I heard footsteps behind us. I was not going to take the chance that said follower might be a male waiting to tap me on the shoulder and ask me on a date. "When did I get so gosh darn attractive? I couldn't get a date all through high school, and even in New York I only had two admirers, and they were both good friends…and they both cheated on me! Gosh darn it."

Edward stared down at me incredulously, and I realized I had just ranted to him about Jacob without even the thought of a tear. Maybe practicing with Charlie had been a good idea. At least he didn't know I cried all the time. I smiled up at his excited face, and blushed a bit as his arm pulled me tighter. Before I could really think about the man I had left in New York, Edward started on the list of Christmas gifts he'd gotten for everyone, and we planned a wrapping date in my room later that night.

Jasper and Alice flagged us down as soon we entered the restaurant, and we quickly launched into stories of our shopping adventures.

--

The ride home was solely focused on the upcoming wedding, and with my new found strength in dealing with the Jacob situation, I joined. Alice talked a bit about some of her great department finds she hadn't mentioned at dinner, and I laughed along. By the end of the ride, I had gotten the job of flower checker and even had the pleasure of getting to help arrange Alice's and my own bouquets on the big day. I doubted it would be the pleasure she said, but I didn't argue as I got out of the car.

Carrying all the purchases upstairs would have taken Alice and I half a dozen trips, but with the boys loaded up like pack mules, we managed it in one. Esme and Carlisle laughed as we walked by, and we bid them a quick good night. Jasper and Alice claimed exhaustion, and Edward and I had a wrapping date to get to.

Packages were sorted at the door to Alice's room, and Edward dropped all my bags carefully on my bed, promising to be at my door with his wrapping projects in a half an hour. I laughed as I walked him out, plugging my iPod into the iHome and listening as old rock filled the room. Working at my dad's had hooked me on the catchy beat, and I danced as I got dressed for bed and ran across the hall to brush my teeth.

Alice peeked her head out the door as I headed back to my room. "You can sleep with it at that volume, right? I think it'd be more...pleasant than a few nights ago…" She trailed off, and I shuddered before laughing myself to my room. I answered her question with a thumbs up before shutting my door on her still surprised face. Edward walked in shortly after with two cardboard boxes stacked on top of each other and fighting with the door to get it open all the way. I ran over to help, closing the door behind him after he managed to open it wide enough to accommodate the boxes and then grabbed the top box. We set up shop on my bed, sitting cross-legged and sharing Christmas stories from years we hadn't known each other. We ran out of Christmas stories eventually, and then holiday, but I had plenty of regular embarrassing stories to share.

Midnight came and went without much of a change, thought Edward resting next to me on the head board, watching me wrap the last of my gifts. Conversation had moved to talking about the future, as the distant past had already been discussed, the recent past was taboo for now, and the present had been mostly shared. Edward was finishing the details of the school he recently applied to in Bergamo. It was going to be small, not really keeping him on his fast track to a doctorate, but he wanted to see the real Italy.

My turn came quicker than I expected and I kept my thoughts on the future as I talked. "I think I'm taking a semester vacation," I articulated, focusing on every syllable before taking a quick second to tape the last corner of a gift for Esme [a nice cashmere blouse and a copy of the Swan family recipes that would bring Charlie running]. "It was Alice and Rose's idea, but it actually sounds good. I was going to spend a bit of time wandering Forks, and even thought of visiting you in Seattle, to find some new artistic inspiration. I'll need it; every local art show I've liked puts about five or ten totally different pieces up. All of my recent New York ones look the same to me."

Edward chuckled, and after I put Esme's gift on the now towering stack of wrapped boxes, I fell back into the pillows and felt his arm curve around my shoulder. "Well, the program I'm in still has room if you want to browse through Italy and still get credit," he said, though I shook my head. He bit his lip and then continued. "Well, it's that, or I've got a double room for one, so you're welcome to stay with me on campus. If you come late enough, I can even give you an Italian tour in complete Italian."

I laughed outright, covering my mouth so I wasn't louder than the music. "No, thank you. I could barely stomach the minimum Spanish they pushed me through. Art is about no words, so I didn't see the point. We don't even have any people of Spanish descent in Forks, do we?"

We both pondered this, barely noticing that the album of music had ran out and the room was silent. The peace remained for a little bit, and I gave my mind a little bit of wandering room. Edward's arm tightened around me from time to time, but mostly we juts remained comfortably still. His eyes started drooping before mine, but I didn't notice. My mind was far elsewhere, taking two steps forward and one step away from getting over Jake. At this rate, I would be done with him by Christmas. Assuming he didn't surprise me with any calls…

Before my mind could wander too far away from me and cause me pain, the heater cut off and my room quickly gave way to the chill the glass windows were transferring in. My body shook a bit, and the shivers woke Edward up. He was a bit easier to understand than after the movie night, but his movements were still pretty clumsy. I laughed, watching him like an adorable five year old.

"Bella," he said clearly, snapping me out of my laughter. "Get off the bed." My eyebrows moved in and I tilted my head, but he pulled me off the bed just long enough to pull down the covers. "I'm camping in here," he managed to get out after I crawled under the comforter and sheets, following me quickly. He was asleep before I could answer the affirmative, but I didn't care much. Instead, I moved around a bit, warming the bottom sheets, getting rid of the clean-bed-cool feeling. As soon as I was toasty and ready to sleep, I rolled over, noticing another lump taking up my pillow.

I roughly remember muttering "stupid boys" before curling up on my new human pillow and feeling a warm arm wrap around me. It answered with a slurred "goofy girls" before everything went pleasantly dark for the second night in a row.

--

_Diary Excerpt from December 15__th_

_It's a nice warmth. Tears are always warm, like a cleansing shower, and those pity hugs that come with them are warm, too, but it always feels fake. But this feeling…I feel giggly, childish, like I'm in middle school. It can't be a stupid crush…is it? It feels so perfect, just like the good ol' days. Just drop me off in an episode of The Secret Life of an American Teenager, things might get messy…_

--

**A/N: I own nothing.**

**I wrote another chapter! Yay. **


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